{"id":539,"date":"2021-04-12T22:13:12","date_gmt":"2021-04-12T22:13:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/?p=539"},"modified":"2021-04-12T22:13:13","modified_gmt":"2021-04-12T22:13:13","slug":"the-donor-friend-dilemma","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/?p=539","title":{"rendered":"The Donor\/Friend Dilemma"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Over the years, I\u2019ve had many friendly relationships with donors. I\u2019ve shared great experiences with them, been moved by their personal struggles, inspired by their charitable endeavors, and I\u2019ve stayed in touch with quite a few of them. But I rarely consider donors true friends.<\/p>\n

If you check Dictionary.com a friend is defined as \u201ca person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.\u201d Thanks, Dictionary.com, but that\u2019s pretty ambiguous. Short of a total stranger, who wouldn\u2019t be a friend? I am talking about true friends, close friends \u2013 those who know the intimate and even embarrassing details of your life, friends you would turn to in a crisis, who have seen you at your worst, most irritable self and still stick by you.<\/p>\n

I have feelings of affection and have high personal regard for many, if not most, of my donors. But I haven\u2019t turned to them in times of crisis or shared the most intimate details of my life.<\/p>\n

In doing research for this post, I found little written about donors as friends. However, there was plenty written about friendships between therapists and clients. While there are, of course, differences between the patient\/therapist and fundraiser\/donor dynamic, we, as development professionals, might do well to take a page from the therapists\u2019 playbook:<\/p>\n

Set Boundaries. <\/strong>Not surprisingly, most therapists advise against developing friendships with clients, and many emphasized the importance of setting boundaries.<\/strong> In therapeutic practice, boundaries are often communicated upfront to provide a safe, structured environment for the patient and the therapist.<\/p>\n

At first glance, this may not apply to what we do, but establishing boundaries may have more relevance than you think. Physical boundaries, for instance, should be respected. The pandemic has made this easier for all of us, but once our lives return to normal (whatever that might be) I, for one \u2013 as a reformed hugger – will curb my physical displays of affection.<\/p>\n

Recognize and appreciate the imbalance of the donor\/fundraiser dynamic. <\/strong>Psychotherapy, by its very nature, is an unbalanced relationship. Simply, the client opens up and the therapist does not, creating a one-sided relationship. Friendships, on the other hand, are inherently two-sided. Perhaps our relationships with donors are a little in-between. While we strive to create caring relationships, we must not lose sight of our professional goals. An element of imbalance may not be such a bad thing. It gives us permission to really focus on donors and their philanthropic intensions.<\/p>\n

And along those lines, don\u2019t overshare. <\/strong>A part of striving for that perfect \u201cimbalance\u201d is to watch how much we talk about ourselves. When we have a great rapport with a donor, it\u2019s easy to actively participate in the conversation. But our goal in developing donor relationships is to learn about their philanthropic intent. In doing this we must dig deep to discover donors\u2019 interests, even their passions. The more time we talk about ourselves, the less time we\u2019re focusing on our donors.<\/p>\n

Just to be clear, I\u2019m not against sharing. It\u2019s okay to actively participate in building rapport \u2013 I just think the balance of sharing should tilt toward the donor.<\/p>\n

And then there are my own personal reasons for not pursuing friendships with donors. As a professional fundraiser, I represent an organization, <\/strong>and the time and energy I put into strengthening ties is on behalf of that organization. When I worked at a university, my role was to facilitate support for that institution; it was not to create friendships for my personal benefit. And while my life has been enriched by getting to know many wonderful donors, I probably would not have had those opportunities if not for my employer.<\/p>\n

Another personal reason: maintaining objectivity <\/strong>allows me to move forward without hesitation. If I am too enmeshed in the personal business of my donors, I fear my judgement will be clouded. Or I will hesitate to ask for a commitment for fear of compromising my \u201cfriendship\u201d with the donor.<\/p>\n

We value our relationship with donors, but are we crossing a line when we become friends? How do you feel about mixing friendship with business? As always, I\u2019d love to hear from you!<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Over the years, I\u2019ve had many friendly relationships with donors. I\u2019ve shared great experiences with them, been moved by their personal struggles, inspired by theirRead More<\/i><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":541,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"rise-blocks_total_comments":0,"rise-blocks_categories":[{"term_id":1,"name":"Uncategorized","slug":"uncategorized","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":1,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":47,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":1,"category_count":47,"category_description":"","cat_name":"Uncategorized","category_nicename":"uncategorized","category_parent":0}],"rise-blocks_excerpt":"Over the years, I\u2019ve had many friendly relationships with donors. I\u2019ve shared great experiences with them, been moved by their personal struggles, inspired by their charitable endeavors, and I\u2019ve stayed in touch with quite a few of them. But I rarely consider donors true friends. If you check Dictionary.com a friend is defined as \u201ca person attached to another by..","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/539"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=539"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/539\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":540,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/539\/revisions\/540"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/541"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=539"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=539"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=539"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}