{"id":595,"date":"2021-07-21T16:13:25","date_gmt":"2021-07-21T16:13:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/?p=595"},"modified":"2021-07-21T16:13:26","modified_gmt":"2021-07-21T16:13:26","slug":"when-donors-dont-like-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/?p=595","title":{"rendered":"When Donors Don’t Like You"},"content":{"rendered":"
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For some, this is our worst nightmare. We fundraisers are generally people-pleasers. We often enter this business because it affords us a high degree of human interaction, and we pride ourselves on our ability to relate to others. So, when a relationship fails to materialize, or goes south, it tends to have a profound effect on us.<\/p>\n

But here\u2019s the reality: it\u2019s not rational to believe that everyone is going to like you. In fact, an MIT study<\/a> revealed that only about half of perceived friendships are actually mutual. So, is it realistic to assume that volunteers and donors are going to be our new best friends?<\/p>\n

Conversely, really disliking someone is also pretty unusual. Sure, you may feel a certain antipathy towards a few people, but our opinions about others usually don\u2019t veer toward either extreme (love or hate). Instead, those feelings reside somewhere in the middle.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re getting a vibe that someone dislikes you, my guess is that you\u2019re misreading the situation. Before you jump to conclusions, ask yourself these questions:<\/p>\n

Is It Dislike or Disagreement?<\/strong><\/p>\n

It is important to differentiate between whether someone dislikes you or simply disagrees with you. They are two very different things. Disagreements may be uncomfortable, but they are not uncommon in our field. Think about if you\u2019ve had to turn down a gift because it doesn\u2019t relate to your mission. Or if you\u2019ve had to uphold a policy that doesn\u2019t sit well with a donor. The conversation may become heated, but it doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re disliked.<\/p>\n

Is it Dislike or Disappointment?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Also, don\u2019t confuse dislike with disappointment. Sometimes people just have to voice their frustration. The campus does not intend on firing the coach because of a losing season. You may be an easier and safer target for your alumna\u2019s rant than, say, the athletic director or president.<\/p>\n

When I began a new position as a development officer, I found myself in the unenviable position of fielding many complaints, and I became the recipient of my visitor\u2019s pent-up frustration. Why had someone not checked-in earlier? Why was the school always asking for money? Why was the university not more involved in the community? These conversations were indeed uncomfortable, but I recognized that my visitor\u2019s passion came from a place of caring. And I could work with that.<\/p>\n

Often, soothing words are not enough. Many times, these instances call for you to have a backbone (sometimes called integrity) and this is where conversations can get messy. But it\u2019s part of our job to represent our organization, and sometimes this requires us to speak hard truths. Just remember that these confrontations should not be taken personally.<\/p>\n

Is it Dislike or Dismissal?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dislike is not the same as being invisible or unimportant. Either may be a blow to your ego, but it is not an indictment of your personality. I\u2019ve gone to many a cocktail party where my conversation partner continually scanned the room or looked over my head for someone worthier to talk to. I\u2019m not keen on being a cast-off, but I accepted the situation for what it was. Usually, with a little persistence, I could get back on that person\u2019s radar.<\/p>\n

Sometimes hierarchy matters, and I\u2019ve also been dismissed for not being high enough on the social ladder. The vast majority of people I\u2019ve met are gracious, but I\u2019ve had a few who were insulted that they had to meet with me instead of someone with superior status. This is, as my mother would say, a reflection on them. The challenge is to rise above the offense and win this person\u2019s trust.<\/p>\n

Is it Dislike or Situational Factors?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jumping to the conclusion that others don\u2019t like you is, in my opinion, somewhat narcissistic. It\u2019s not about you; it\u2019s about them. And there\u2019s a good chance that they are dealing with life-stuff that is a huge distraction. Before thinking the worst, examine the situational factors related to the donor. I never recommend prying, but an honest conversation can often reveal what is troubling them. And even if you can\u2019t get to the bottom of it, be patient. We are in the relationship-building business and gaining the confidence of donors often takes time. \u00a0<\/p>\n

If I was a betting person, I would wager that any uneasy rapport you are experiencing is due to one of the above factors. Don\u2019t take it personally. Instead, really examine expectations and any external factors that could be affecting your relationship.<\/p>\n

Of course, there is a remote chance that you aren\u2019t your donor\u2019s favorite person. In my follow-up article, we\u2019ll explore this tension, and what you can do to correct it<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For some, this is our worst nightmare. We fundraisers are generally people-pleasers. We often enter this business because it affords us a high degree ofRead More<\/i><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":599,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"rise-blocks_total_comments":0,"rise-blocks_categories":[{"term_id":1,"name":"Uncategorized","slug":"uncategorized","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":1,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":47,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":1,"category_count":47,"category_description":"","cat_name":"Uncategorized","category_nicename":"uncategorized","category_parent":0}],"rise-blocks_excerpt":"For some, this is our worst nightmare. We fundraisers are generally people-pleasers. We often enter this business because it affords us a high degree of human interaction, and we pride ourselves on our ability to relate to others. So, when a relationship fails to materialize, or goes south, it tends to have a profound effect on us. But here\u2019s the..","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/595"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=595"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/595\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":597,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/595\/revisions\/597"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/599"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=595"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=595"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/andreataylorconsulting.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=595"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}