It’s inevitable. Sooner or later, we will be fully back to business. And that means, for those of us in the fundraising field, that cocktail conversation will soon be required. While the pandemic put an abrupt halt to our social gatherings more than a year ago, we are now beginning to re-engage.
And let’s face it, social gatherings – whether they’re cocktail parties, receptions, galas, sporting events (just to name a few) – are a necessary part of our business. For some, these functions might be dreaded almost as much as public speaking, but social gatherings provide us with chances to advance our work. The best thing you can do is to embrace these opportunities; the worst is to blow them off.
I will be the first to admit that cocktail conversation is not my favorite thing. But after 30+ years in the business, I’ve had plenty of time to get used to it and to, in fact, develop some strategies to get the most out of this type of cultivation exercise. If you are a reluctant mingler, here’s some suggestions that I hope will ease the pain and sharpen your social game:
Have a plan. Many of us are tasked with doing briefing documents for our bosses. Do the same thing for yourself. If you have access, review the event rsvp list to see with whom you want to connect. And then go one step further: think about what you want to accomplish during your conversation. You will feel much better if you go in with some desired outcomes rather than aimlessly wandering a hotel lobby.
Take a Walk. I’m serious. Many of these functions take place in the evening after we’ve already put in a full day. To ward off fatigue, take a brisk walk or do something that disengages you from work and restarts your engine. You want to be fresh and ready to engage. Party prep should also include eating a snack or a small dinner. It’s hard to work an event balancing an appetizer plate in one hand and a drink in another.
Load your chit-chat arsenal. Some snobs will eschew these gatherings because of the banal conversation. While it is true that you’re probably not going to find a solution to world peace, there is something to be said about warmly greeting an acquaintance or even a stranger and engaging in cordial conversation. To avoid an awkward pause after introductions, think of some conversation starters before you enter the room. (And, yes, you can recycle these for other conversations). Chances are you have something in common with other guests simply because you’re attending the same event. That commonality may get the conversation rolling. Another tip: ask questions. Most people love to talk about themselves. It only takes one solid open-ended question and you’re off to the races.
Step out of your Comfort Zone. Don’t hang with your fellow development officers or the volunteers or prospects that you see regularly. Use this opportunity to introduce yourself to people you don’t know – your boss’s boss, the esteemed honoree at the party, even a stranger. Speaking of: remember that as awkward as you may feel there’s probably someone who is more uncomfortable at these events. Do a good deed and introduce yourself. It’s not always about advancing your own social agenda.
Work the Room. Literally. Don’t park yourself at the closest bar, buffet table, or exit. My strategy is to enter and circle. Get a lay of the land and make a note of guests with whom you’d like to connect. Of course, you may enter into conversations along the way, but the point is to maximize the most of the situation and, in order to do so, you need to know who is there.
Volunteer. If the thought of talking to total strangers still terrifies you, offer to volunteer at the event. Chances are the organizer needs help with registration, selling raffle tickets, or handing out programs. If you are new to your job, this is an awesome way to meet others and introduce yourself.
Remember your manners. Make sure you thank the host before leaving (a follow-up note is also greatly appreciated). Dress appropriately. Don’t drink too much. Avoid controversial subjects (religion and politics come to mind). Try not to monopolize people or conversations.
What are your strategies to work a room? Do you have surefire conversation starters? And what is the etiquette for talking business at social gatherings? Many of you are probably expert conversationalists – I’d love to hear from you. And if you struggle at these events, what causes your greatest anxiety?