It’s ironic that I’m writing about perfectionism since my last post had a typo and a misspelling. Clearly, I am not a perfectionist.
But it does make me wonder if great success is usually accompanied by perfectionist tendencies. Martha Stewart, the queen of all things domestic, is a self-professed “maniacal perfectionist” and claims to be successful because of this trait. On the other hand, Serena Williams, one of the best tennis players of our time, wrote in an essay: “I want to make it clear that perfectionism is an impossible goal and should never be a true pursuit in life.”
Maybe perfectionism is a trait we’re simply born with. Psychologists believe there are basic dimensions to our personality, and one of the predominant traits is our degree of extroversion. In her book “Quiet”, Susan Cain describes the different work-styles and problem-solving behaviors of introverts and extroverts. Extroverts are goal-oriented, but may trade accuracy for speed to get to the finish line. In contrast, introverts’ work may be more accurate, but they will focus on process and may spend a great deal of time monitoring how the task is going.
What happens, though, if the self-monitoring and focus on accuracy become all-consuming? Can the goal get lost in the process?
Research has shown that there is an unsettling correlation between fear of failure and perfectionism. Those who strongly fear failure have a composite of two personality characteristics: low achievement orientation (that is, they don’t take much pleasure in their accomplishments or in meeting goals) and high test-anxiety (fear of not performing well at crucial moments). In other words, the anxiety about failing is greater than the satisfaction they would receive by gaining something. These tendencies also drive perfectionism. Success is not about doing something good; it’s about not doing something bad.
Another unsettling fact: perfectionism is on the rise. In a study comparing perfectionism across generations, researchers found that there were significant increases in recent undergraduates compared to students in the 1990s and 2000s.
Not surprisingly, perfectionism exacts a high toll on our emotional health. It is linked to a laundry list of clinical symptoms: depression, anxiety, self-harm, agoraphobia, eating disorders, insomnia, and chronic headaches. There are studies that suggest that the degree of perfectionism is linked to a greater risk of psychological disorder.
My intention is not to disparage those who set a high standard. Although Serena Williams may not be a perfectionist, no one would accuse her of being a slacker. High achievers strive for excellence, aim for the ultimate, and place a high value on accomplishment. Consider Serena Williams if she never made it onto the circuit because (in her mind) her backhand still needed improvement. Or she refused to compete because there was a chance of losing.
As Williams pointed out, perfectionism is an impossible goal. So how do we pull ourselves out of this perfectionist quagmire?
First, we need to recognize the difference between perfectionism and healthy achievement. Healthy achievers are interested in growth and self-improvement. Perfectionists may not be that gratified by winning, but they are mortified by the thought of losing. Gaining the approval of others is of paramount importance.
High-achievers have more adaptive coping mechanisms and can weather set-backs. Perfectionists, on the other hand, are attuned to every bump in the road, no matter how small, and show less resilience in coping with obstacles.
If you are seeking to curb your perfectionist tendencies, try striking a balance between your very best effort and the level of “good” the project requires. Set a reasonable time-frame. And make sure goals are realistic, taking incremental steps to get there.
Professor and author Brenè Brown describes perfectionism as a 20-ton shield we carry to protect ourselves from hurt. Isn’t it time we dropped our shields and led a happier, more productive life?