The final quarter of the year involves frantically getting year-end appeals out, making stewardship calls to our beloved donors, managing a high volume of events, and attending lots of holiday parties. For many, it is also the season of the dreaded performance review.

Let’s be honest. Nobody likes these. Even if you’re a stellar performer, you will likely have some butterflies before you sit in front of your boss. But it is especially anxiety-provoking if you sense that things might not go all that well.

I was no different. Most of the time, I had little to worry about but, over the course of a long career, I occasionally had a tepid review. One in particular comes to mind when an interim supervisor was tasked with reviewing my performance. Honestly, I don’t remember much (trauma blocking??) but I do recall that my (few) accomplishments were tied to her tutelage. The most damning statement came at the end when she helpfully pointed out that “I was nice.”

Perhaps worse: I believe I thanked her for the review.

You may detect a bit of self-pity but, honestly, I have to take responsibility for the outcome. I should have been better prepared, and I should have participated in the discussion. Instead, I contributed little, and my passivity served as a tacit agreement of her assessment.

Since that encounter, I’ve sat on the other side of the desk and have delivered my share of performance reviews. Most of the time, I asked for a self-assessment prior to the meeting. Although a few griped about the extra work, it played to their advantage. Often, they listed achievements that I failed to recognize or undervalued. I usually left these meetings with a new appreciation of their efforts.

In addition to reviewing strengths, reviewers may also want to discuss areas of improvement. Exposing our flaws can be uncomfortable so we may be tempted to offer up some nonsense—I care too much; I work too hard, blah, blah. Listen, you’re fooling no one. Instead, consider those weakness as opportunities for growth. This at least will allow you to get some helpful feedback. Also, use the performance review to discuss career advancement. After all, your supervisor has dedicated time for this discussion; take advantage of it.

In the event you are blindsided (receiving unexpected or devastating feedback), try your hardest not to be reactionary. It can be difficult but, ultimately, take some time to process the negative information and your emotions. After further reflection, you may see that the criticism was not really that harsh; maybe there was even some validity to it. Or, the review may lead to more serious discussions about your performance, place in the organization, and your future. And that, ultimately, could be a good thing.

Do you have any tips for how you survived a dicey review? Or, better yet, any recommendations for turning the performance review into a positive experience? I’d love to hear from you.